Maintaining my internal peace and working a nine to five can be a daunting task and peace can become elusive if any of the necessary boundaries become loosened or are not carefully managed. This experience is further complicated by perfect clarity about the purpose of the daily exercise, which is to work a job. The biggest challenge is securing firm guardrails and establishing those boundaries with reminders of my purpose and keeping a firm grip on my self-awareness.
Ecclesiastes 4:6 “Better one handful with tranquility than two handfuls with toil and chasing after the wind.”
My idea of work does not include creating a “work family”. I believe that my colleagues would like work mates to be considered a family. I believe, however, that such a consideration is dealing in delusion. To me such thinking, especially these days, is just a little crazy. Either that or such an exchange creates a reality of a work family that is an extension of an already existing dysfunctional family at home, and frankly nobody needs more of that. Ironically, even though I wholeheartedly believe what I say about work and family separation, I have also been in the situation at most of my places of employment where circumstances such as relocation, my extreme age difference to the rest of the team and shared crisis has established some incredible bonds over 10 to 30 years. The people I have worked with through births, marriages deaths, desert storm, 9/11 and COVID created circumstances of humanity that are undeniably intense and personal. Nevertheless, what I am referring to is how to enter the job market and where someone would create actual expectations of familial loyalty and security of place that is a huge faux pas. In fact, I really like the people I work with, some of whom I have great respect for and enjoy their company - but they are not my family.
Colossians 3:23 “Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters.”
I develop camaraderie at work and by all means, I work amicably with my peers. I provide professional courtesies, and assist with getting the job done, besides many hands make light work. But I am ever mindful of where I am and do not get caught up or drawn into workplace drama. I am always available to help solve problems, but I do not deal with confusion or engage in office politics or divisive positioning. I focus my attention on my own actions and reactions and reduce the amount of unnecessary engagement I have with difficult people. I also make sure that I don’t get drawn into situations without my full awareness and consent. I focus my energy on controlling the things I control. I keep careful notes and evidence of engagement to recall details when needed.
Additionally, I have found many ways to compartmentalize and maintain the distinction between family and necessary work relationships. First, the distance is established in the lines of communication. Chatting and texting on the phone after work hours, or spending time at each other’s homes is completely off limits. Planning weekend and after-hours outings, or attending events like concerts, community events, and county fairs are out of the question. The only social gatherings shared in public with colleagues are mandated by our employer. The exception has been attending church. I am glad when people ask and begin to visit or join the church I attend because that activity serves a higher purpose and is not about me. Besides, socializing and sharing private, confidential information doesn’t happen at church either.
Another method to practice peace and maintain the necessary distance between myself and colleagues is by securing time to myself at work. I allow myself time for conscious breathing and shifting my mind to be present in each moment. Using earbuds to listen to my playlist and singing out loud in private helps me when I’m in the middle of work to regain my footing
Getting to work early and leaving at a specific time each day are intentional for me. I do not work at home – I do not move one piece of paper for work once I have reached my home. A lot of people focus on the cut off, I’m also focused on the start because I may need to establish a reliable presence and a demonstration of commitment. I also have the cutoff time, and I use part of that time to clear my desk, pack my things or close my laptop exactly 45 minutes after my shift ends. I do not even check emails after hours.
Since I started working, I have always packed my lunch. This allows me to back out of lunch invitations, even though I typically work through that time so that I do not have anything to bring home. I do not allow casual conversation during lunch. I use lunchtime to check my to-do list and create new ones, to follow up on emails and complete tasks that might otherwise require after-hours attention.
I use my commute home from work as a physical and mental buffer. I often stop at the grocery store, pharmacy, post office or some place to physically disconnect from the space that is work. The travel time allows me to get home fully detached. I strongly encourage others to consider these methods and to be mindful that the job was there before you got there and will undoubtedly exist long after you have gone.
If you are the owner of the business, some of these suggestions could work to help understand loyal employees who mind their business and have a great work life balance.
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